Taste of Your Tears

I love the feel of tears running over my lips. I don't stop to wipe my eyes. These tears cleanse. If they are wiped away or an attempt is made to hide them from the world, they don't possess a healing power that these tears with taste do. That's the joy I find when I stop thinking about the sadness.
Love never dies. It may fade; it may wither to a point where it seems there should be nothing left, but it never dies. Love is from God, of God, and is God. That's why it breaks my heart when people think that love somehow dies. Death cannot separate you from the love you have for someone. It's still held in your heart. And just because you may grow to love someone else, does not mean that you love them any less.
This is why I literally just cried my eyes out. A man, a wonderfully good man, lost his wife. He is in so much pain and I don't know how long ago he started living without her. To actually attempt to open his heart scares him so much because he's worried he's going to lose her even more than he already has. He feels he's going to lose the memory of her; he feels he's going to lose their love. He deserves so much and he's so lonely and broken. His whole world, he loved his wife so much that she became his world, has vanished and had to figure out how to live without her. The thought of this just brings tears to my eyes. But I've finally come to a place where I am not mad about loss.
This life is not the end all, be all. There is more for him. He loved someone so much that he helped her be a better person, and she him. He helped her get to heaven and that is what spouses are there for.
Well, in my mind she went to heaven, and since these are fictional characters, that's not something I would like to debate about. Yes, I'm crying about people on a TV show. But that's why I love stories. I invest my heart and learn more about this crazy/amazing yet daunting and frightening world we live in. And God made it so we can learn about love. Because that's the only way we're going to practice enough to be able to experience the onslaught of love in heaven. If we don't get any practice in this lifetime there's no way we'll be ready. So practice. You won't regret it.


Yes, I know my grammar is atrocious. I apologize. I'm going to use the excuse that it's almost 4 in the morning while not actually thinking that made any difference. And yes, I did have to look up how to spell the word atrocious.

My inner crazy fan-girl

Alright, so this is the New Moon Extended Trailer.
I cannot accurately express how excited I am about this movie. Screaming and jumping up and down are sometimes involved. There is a piece of flair on Facebook that sums up how I feel about my behavior. "I used to make fun of crazy fan-girls. Then I read Twilight. Now I understand." For those who have no idea why i'm acting this way, I'd just like to say that it really has nothing to do with vampires or werewolves. I could care less about the supernatural aspects of this book - it's just part of the world and I appreciate that. It actually was the reason I put off reading the book for so long. I worked in a Barnes & Noble for 3 years so I had plenty of chances to pick Twilight up but when I asked someone what it was about the said it's basically about a girl who falls in love with a vampire. That was enough for me to say no, thank you. So the reason I finally picked it up was because 4 people, that I didn't actually know, randomly told me I had to read this book. And I've been hooked ever since. It's an incredible love story that is able to truly demonstrate unconditional love. How many examples of that do we have in our world today? Everyone is always out for themselves, putting themselves first. It's refreshing to find a love like this outside of church - that was one of the few places I really saw it. Okay, I've talked enough. I'm sure I will be discussing more of this in the future - probably on a deeper level than you're used to if you follow any of the thousands of Twilight sites/blogs. (For those who think I'm exaggerating - you have no idea the following these books inspire) Make sure to watch this fullscreen - it's worth it.

The Sweetest, Saddest Thing I've Ever Read

I'm a reader. But I rarely read just to read. It's truly a tragedy on some level but unfortunately that tragedy is something I have yet to discover a happy ending to. I did however find quite a bit of time over the 4 day weekend Labor Day graciously provided us with. Understandably, some people may not enjoy the idea of what I did on Saturday but to others it may be the little piece of heaven I found it to be. I read an entire book cover to cover. It was wonderful. And to make the day perfect, raindrops tapped against the glass of my window as if God was agreeing with me that the day should be spent in bed. Days like those inspire me to try and spend more of my time with my nose in a book. By doing so, today, I came across the sweetest, saddest thing I've ever read. And I desperately wanted to share it. It's from The History of Love by Nicole Krauss. The pages are something the main character is writing himself and it nearly brought me to tears. There is actually a sentence later in the book that describes how I feel about this passage and why I read in the first place.


"I don't know what to say about it, except that it moved me in a way one hopes to be moved each time he begins a book. What I mean is, in some way I'd find almost impossible to describe, it changed me."


So here is that passage that I decided is the sweetest, saddest thing I've ever read. Enjoy.

So there it is. I'd ruin it if I talked about it.

Why I'm Doing This

I don't think I ever really considered a blog to be a good idea for someone like me. I always thought that to write about your personal experiences you had to have this extremely interesting life where really exciting things would happen constantly and that would be inspiration enough to share your life with the world. It wasn't until a few months ago that I really understood what blogging was about. I had heard this song playing in the background of a tv show and attempted to do a lyric search, attempted being the key world. The only part of the song that I could remember was "you hold your head up to the sky, you say what kind of blue are you?" But I actually thought that instead of head it was hand (can blame my always perfect ears on that one). Anyway, so somehow, and I can only assume now that it was God stepping in with the help of Google, I ended up on this guy's blog who had named his post after the part of the lyrics I remembered. Well I don't know what it was, but his words moved me. Someone that I had never met, and probably will never meet, was able to reach me on a level that you can so rarely find - and that's when you're actually looking. He was able to say exactly what I needed to hear and in a way that not only pulled me out of my occasional pessimistic way of thinking but allowed me to connect with the world in a way i didn't even know was possible. I never would have thought that a random stranger's words could affect me so much. I mean, every once in a while I would find a book that I would really connect with or a story that would help me see the world in a different way, but the relationship I seem to have with the author of a novel and the relationship that is there with someone sharing their lives is quite different in my experience. It almost as if, in my mind a least, authors are just as real as their characters. If I'm not able to connect and relate to their characters than how would I ever connect or relate to them. On the other hand, if I can see their characters as living and breathing, they become real to me. I'd experienced this in lesser potency before reading the work of Stephenie Meyer. After reading her novels, I was hooked. I wanted more and the first place that I found that did the trick was her website. While I was getting a fix from her bio and Q&A, I consciously realized, I had probably known on a subconscious level for some time, that good writing is not about plot. Plot is simply how the writing takes its shape. It's not what holds it together. And a good writer doesn't need really exciting things constantly happening in their world or the world they've created in their mind to reach others. I'm not saying that I'm a good writer or that I'll reach anyone, but my life was changed enough by a Google search that I'm bound to give it a try. Maybe someone out there will feel just a little less alone and send a smile my way through their computer screen.

Before I go and get some very needed good night sleep, I just want to say that yes, I do realize how spastic I am. I had no intention to write about Stephenie Meyer or published authors at all and yet there the words sit. So if you bear with me my posts will most likely get at least a little better in coherency. Most likely, or maybe I'll just be as incoherent as I feel I am on a day to day basis. And yes, I also know that my grammar is perfect, thanks for noticing. In my world, grammar doesn't exist beyond the rules that I've known since 5th grade so I apologize if your world is a little different. If anything is too bad and just drives you crazy, feel free to point it out and I'll be glad to change it. Thanks for reading and spending a small part of your day with me. Smile. You get to have a tomorrow. Well, probably.

Can't Put Into Words

I'm a night owl struggling to become a morning person. Coffee helps. But I just wish I could find something that would help me go to sleep at a decent hour. Oh, and I've gotten better, I really have. For example, at this very moment, I'm considering to go to sleep. The fact that at 12:26 i'm considering to stop whatever enjoyable yet utterly unproductive activity I'm engaging in is real progress.

Never having written a blog (or even something for others to read), I don't really know how this works. I do realize that if you're reading this the only thing you know about me is that I tend to choose the wrong time to do things, I stay up late whether I mean to or not, and I may or may not like coffee. Unfortunately, I'm tired of trying to sum up who I am in a paragraph. First of all, I've come to believe that it can't be put into words. Well, at least not with the average given number in a paragraph. Secondly, I've learned through my love of literature and a very wise English teacher, that life, if going to be seen through another's eyes, must be shown not merely described. It's also a lot more fun that way. I hope that whatever you were looking for when you stumbbled upon little old me finds you and that your life be blessed and filled with at least some things that make you feel a little less alone in this big world we live in. You are never alone - even though at times it seems like there is no other alternative. Thanks for reading - wishing you all the best

Just a warning - I'm not that great with titles

And I've got really bad timing. I mean bad. Is this a good time to start a blog? Let's see...I've got today and tomorrow to pack up all my stuff, move out of my house, and into what will probably be a sad excuse for a shoebox. Oh, and I get to share the shoebox with two other girls I've never met. I'm not really worried about that but still, it's understandable why that might make someone a bit nervous. So this - and the other million things I have to do on a daily basis - is why I don't think it was necessarily the smartest decision to start a blog today. Well, I guess it's a little late for that.